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tariblu
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Mich
Birthday: 2/10/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: doin anythin w/friends; vid games, listenin 2 music, playin guitar & violin, computer; playin games w/my bros, buildin stuff, makin stuff outta other stuff =D & i lik 2 think & analyze stuff, u kno, im an observer at heart =P
Expertise: bein a good friend (well, at least i try 2 b) & thinkin, im a master thinker, betta watch urselves ;)
my fav quote:
"All things are possible until they are proved impossible-and even the impossible may only be so as of now."
—Pearl S. Buck
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/29/2004
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| After college graduation, it seems that we have a tendency to "start working on our future" in finding jobs or going to professional or graduate school. Yet, are we just getting started or have we already done a lot to make our future something we want? I feel that you've already achieved so much, we've already accomplished quite a lot for our futures. So entering the "real world", taking up our real potential jobs for life...haven't we been living in this world for 20 something years already? Of course, "real world" usually means the unsheltered part of life where you go out and are on your own without the safety of school. It's not a bad thing. Take a chance and walk outside that bubble, it doesn't mean you have to pop it. Just step outside for a bit. Yes, things may go wrong. Most likely things will go wrong...but things will also go right. Today, I went to 11 pharmacies to ask about job openings. It took me 3 hours to drive to all these places nearby, ask if they were hiring, and then hand my resume to those who accepted it. Some told me to apply online. Others told me they weren't hiring. I left my resume at 7 different places but only at one place did the pharmacist look over my resume before telling me if he has an opening, he will call me. I was told that once before when I tried to apply in Irvine though.
I'm neither angry nor sad. I might be a little disappointed, but hey at least I got my name out there and that's one step closer. I felt great having spent my day doing that. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know there's something I've worked so hard for in my future and I intend to see it. I intend to enjoy it. No matter how long...if it's what i want, I'm going to keep running for it no matter how far away it may be and no matter how tired I might get. Over 20 years of time, sweat, tears, smiles, effort put into this future of mine...I'm not gonna stop now. No way, no how.
~Michelle~
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| The Challenge.
in today's youth, i feel there is an epidemic going around. it slowly develops silently lurking in the depths of our subconscious, weaving it's way in our minds. it is the monster hiding in our closet, the one we chose to ignore each time we go to sleep. still...we make sure we close the closet door before bed just in case. we do a lot to keep it locked behind vaults and vaults of safes, under high security to prevent it from getting out and unleashing its damage upon the world, upon our world. today, mine has been leaking out. today, i come before you to warn you of it's power, it's hold upon us all. it is the villian although it is truth. it is hopeless but at the same time hopeful. it shies us away from our priorities, from our ambitions. it is the one thing that can stop us while it is also the one thing that can push us to great heights. if you've ever felt that lurking cynicism...the cynicism that comes from being in such a society that puts us against one another to breed the best-abled...the cynicism of an administration set on weeding us out with as minimal help as possible, an administration that sometimes throws hurdles and bombs in our way to see if we will trip and fall...the cynicism for a world that never seems to give us a break, but only wishes to break us...then you have indeed, at least in my mind, experienced the spread of the epidemic, you have fought the illness and hopefully you have succeeded in pushing it back past the inferno that is our hell...for now.
The Cure.
i have for you a philosophy. it may be crazed and strange, but it might help. say this when it pushes past the walls, believe this, convince yourself: "it cannot touch my drive, my passions. i am immune to it." you can be too...if you choose to be. i'll give an example from my own life. there are many people in the administrations of bio sci set to give you the impression they are only there to help you. while this may be true for a select few, most of them will not admit to you that you are only one in 1200 students vying for the same position in that medical, pharmacy, dental...whatever healthcare professional school you have your heart set on and they cannot help every one of you...and that number is only the number of declared bio majors in your school, not in the nation. i don't mean to depress you as that is not my intent. i want you to realize something, as hard as it may be to generalize and say this can help for every situation which it most likely does not. no matter who you are, no matter what field you are going into, no matter what you think stands in your way...i'm going to tell you that you are valuable. the world needs you. the world needs someone like you to see through it's challenges and to fight for your place in the world. you are one of millions, but you are one in a million. there is no one exactly like you and there probably never will be in the stream of all time. you have your own character, your own personality, your own sense of what is within reach for you...now how does that help? i don't know. i'm not someone who knows everything or who claims to know everything...and i've accepted that. i try to build upon my weaknesses...but i also keep in mind my strengths. i have the potential to know a lot, the desire to learn, the willingness to share my knowledge with the world...and that is something this epidemic cannot take away from me. remember that the next time you are studying for an exam, whether it be physical or of the kind life throws at you. the cynicism may make you bitter at times, it may make you angry, it may make you feel hopeless and depressed, but if you stare it down and hold it with whatever way you are capable of controlling it then you can beat this epidemic. for all who don't believe me, this is my own progression of thoughts, my own cure. it is what helps me get past all of that crap in the system. i know it might not be of much use to any of you, but it was worth a try. if just reading this will help anyone with the creation of their own cure, then i will always be willing to write it. that is my contribution and through it all, i can see the blue of the sky or that silver lining in the clouds people are always talking about. i know many of you are struggling to keep your hopes and head held up high, and i am too. optimism and hope do not come easy, that's what makes it so special...when you finally have it, it means you've earned it. regardless of whether you have it or not, you deserve it. you deserve to know that you are capable, that you have potential. in truth, this was as much written for you as it was for me to read. thoughts are so fleeting that some should be written down so as not to be forgotten. i am human, i have worth, and i live on. that is the weakness of the challenge of the epidemic to today's youth, to today's society...and that will be my cure to the cynicism i see when i turn my back upon it and move forward, leaving it behind to fend for itself.
~Michelle~
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| it's a new year, a new beginning. it feels just like any other day, except people are more prone to reflect on their lives...regrets and disappointments as well as joys and accomplishments. i was going to write myself a letter to leave in my room & open it in one year...but i thought it might be good to have a constant reminder of my new years reflection...
Number one: my life is of great value. my family and friends are an important part of my life, but without it, i cannot enjoy the special memories and moments they give me...and neither can they. so my life is important to me, first and foremost.
Number two: my goals, ambitions, dreams, experiences that i want to have...not the ones others want me to have...make up my life. if i don't chase them, no one else will for me. so it is important to be proud of the choices i make and the dreams i have because they make me who i am. i should not have to sacrifice them for others. my dreams and the things that are important for me to do should hold quite a bit of value to me.
Number three: i should stand up for all the things i do because i do them for a reason. as long as i have a reason for the challenges i accept, regardless of how much i may complain, people should respect me for it. as much a part of my life they are, i'm in school for a reason, i chose to do research for a reason, i dream of a certain profession for a reason, and i have priorities for myself that i must take care of for a reason.
Number four: no one can tell me what to do. they are only suggestions, until i decide my own plan of action. i am in control of my life...and that should not be swayed by guilt or any other emotion.
Number five: i need to take care of myself. my health and my mentality are too easily tipped by stress. i need to learn to cope with problems in my life not according to what others say is the best way, but what i feel is the best way. confidence in myself. belief in my own potential. letting go of things. releasing emotion in a productive way. overall, respecting and valuing myself as much as i do others, possibly more.
~Michelle~
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| ...are what you make of it. if you feel like something is ruining your holiday, then it no doubt will. it's all in the attitude. my holidays for instance will be better, because i have decided that even though i am constantly trying to get studying done during my time off, i still will enjoy my holiday! today i saw a deer on the mountainside when we were caught in traffic going to my aunt's house. it was just looking off for quite awhile then it went back to eating right before i could not see it anymore. made me think of santa claus. i used to write a letter to santa, i think i'll take that up here even though theres only about 20 more mins left til christmas day begins...
Dear Santa,
How are you? Most likely running around getting presents to children around the world at this hour, which you are doing a great job. but I wanted to write you this letter telling you that I do not need a present under my tree for Christmas. If I could have anything, I would like happiness. Happiness for my family who needs it, happiness for my friends who smile because of it, and happiness for me as this year has been quite stressful for me. If it could be in the form of laughter or smiles throughout the year, I'll be ecstatic. I've outgrown my wish for those toys or games that I've been asking from you in the past, if anything...this would be just great. Hopefully you're not stressed out, but if you are...I wish happiness for you as well. Happy holidays & I'll write to you next year! =)
~Michelle~
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| ...im starting to wonder what it is to understand. i seem to always get in this mood during certain times of the year. i feel i have a better understanding of what that feeling is but at the same time, its a difficult concept to grasp. to be able to live & let go...what exactly does that mean? how is it that u can let go of the things that make u happy in life? because u need to. because u have to. because it's what is right. because what reason is there to keep holding on? theres a lot of reasons for u to let go. but yet u don't really let go, u still hold those thoughts & memories in ur head...but at least there is reason to keep holding on to them. there is reason to hope.
its been awhile since ive written in this. but its my senior year of college & it feels just like it did in high school, senior year. time went by much too fast, & i think i may have some regrets. of course i should not dwell on them, but how many goals did i let go of this time? how many things did i fail at, how many things did i succeed at, how have i grown as a person, how have changed as a person? whats going to happen? what is in store for me in the future? all of it gone again. its back. that feeling i always get. does that mean im regressing? i dont know. but i feel like the older i get, the more bitter i get with regards to life and the world. everything that means something, actually ends up turning into nothing...that sounds really sad. but so far as life is concerned, my life is school and research. then it will be my profession and more school. fun is weaved in there sporadically. family, friends, others...what i should be concerned with tho is short term because short term becomes long term eventually. what i should be reflecting on is who i am, who i have become, who i want to be. past, present, future. in one day, i experience all three. its like i have the ability to time travel, that's actually pretty interesting.
~Michelle~
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